TO VISIT OR NOT TO VISIT
During a panel discussion about the holidays with Joy Reid on November 9th, Yale University chief psychiatry resident, Dr. Amanda Calhoun, said liberals and the LGBTQ+ community who struggled with the presidential election results should separate from family for the holidays. The following Tuesday, Whoopi Goldberg, co-host of ABC’s “The View” said she agreed with Vice President Harris, who encouraged people to avoid family members who voted for President-elect Donald Trump during the holidays.
As a pastor for many years who did much counseling, I would like instead to encourage families to get together for the holidays. Whenever a parent passed away, I have never seen one example of a son or daughter say, “I’m glad I was bitter to the end or I’m happy I didn’t have to spend more time with mom or dad,” etc. However, I have heard many, many, many children say, “I should have not wasted all those years separated or I wish I would have tried harder to forgive and reconcile,” etc.
Let me begin with this note, if when you go home, you plan to argue, fight, and hate your family members, then you should not visit them during the holidays. However, if you are willing to make the attempt, here are a few suggestions to increase the likelihood that it will be a peaceful and wonderful holiday.
Set agreed upon boundaries which can provide safeguards to minimize and hopefully avoid the “trigger points” that so often set people off in arguing and disagreement.
Develop realistic expectations. Don’t expect longstanding hurts or childhood traumas to be resolved on this trip. Don’t expect your parents or your loved one to act in ways that they don’t normally act. However, maybe this trip could provide a positive step in the right direction.
If you are a Christian and people are coming to your home, practice hospitality without complaint. (1 Peter 4:9) If there is not a person or a home available, plan to go together to the many restaurants that offer Thanksgiving dinners.
Be a good guest. If you are going home, honor your parents (Ephesians 6:2) and family by respecting them, their practices, and their beliefs. Be available to help with the preparation, clean-up, childcare, or whatever is needed. To serve others rather to be served is the true mark of the Christian faith. Ask the Holy Spirit if, and when, and how much of Christ and your faith you should share.
Trust God to bless this time together: relishing traditions, enjoying delicious food, getting updated with family members, watching football or a parade together, and possibly, by the grace of God, growing in your love and appreciation of each other. God placed us in our family and life is too short to miss the benefits He intended us to receive. Apply the love principles of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7!
